Example TWTW

Channel 9’s Today Show filmed from Coriole winery in McLaren Vale yesterday morning. Magic exposure—356,000 viewers! It was the biggest thing to happen in McLaren Vale since the shop in the main street won National Pie of the Year a few years ago and they put streamers in the window and everything. This photo shows Coriole’s Mark Lloyd with Karl Stefanovic and Lisa Wilkinson. Karl was appointed official ambassador for McLaren Vale Shiraz. Karl, who you may remember turned up for work after the Logies last year a little tired and emotional, was on his best behaviour.

RISIN’ UP, BACK ON THE STREET
DID MY TIME, TOOK MY CHANCES
WENT THE DISTANCE NOW I’M BACK ON MY FEET
JUST A MAN AND HIS WILL TO SURVIVE

SO MANY TIMES, IT HAPPENS TOO FAST
YOU CHANGE YOUR PASSION FOR GLORY
DON’T LOSE YOUR GRIP ON THE DREAMS OF THE PAST
YOU MUST FIGHT JUST TO KEEP THEM ALIVE

IT’S THE EYE OF THE TIGER IT’S THE CREAM OF THE FIGHT
RISIN’ UP TO THE CHALLENGE OF OUR RIVAL
AND THE LAST KNOWN SURVIVOR STALKS HIS PREY IN THE NIGHT
AND HE’S WATCHIN’ US ALL IN THE EYE OF THE TIGER

In April last year Jancis Robinson wrote this in the Financial Times in London: “Something very strange has happened to Australian wine. While more and more truly fine Australian wine is being produced, Australian wine’s fortunes and reputation have plummeted. Fashions in wine, just as in everything else, come and go, but the sheer speed with which Australia has moved from being revered to being reviled is quite remarkable.” Well Robbo, a year is a long time in the wine industry. This week Australia won 65 gold medals at the International Wine Challenge in London—51% more than last year. The Frogs won 75 gold medals this year so we’re croaking down their necks even though they’ve had a thousand years’ head-start. Well done Australia—65 gold medals! More gold than Mr T. Bigger comeback than Rocky Balboa. We should give Australian winemakers a ticker-tape parade through the streets of Penola. When the 747 containing our heroes pulls up on the tarmac in Sydney we should get a fire engine to spray New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc all over it to celebrate. One way to get rid of the shit.

That bloody man bag has got me in strife! Never has a fashion accessory caused me to look over my shoulder so many times in one week. About a dozen blokes emailed me wanting to know what I’m doing on Saturday night. Umm, I’m watching Iron Chef and then RocKwiz. Guys, I have a partner—a girl. Man bag doesn’t automatically equal homosexual. Grow up. Get with it. Chill out. Broaden your mind. You’re all so bloody blokey. I’m anxious to improve my image and the better half gave me $100 to do that; I spent 20 bucks on the man bag and that didn’t work so I’ve joined a gym. I jumped straight on the rowing machine and rowed for 90 minutes. The rowing machine had a lambs-wool seat cover. It wasn’t until I’d finished my workout and staggered to my feet that I realised that the lambs-wool seat cover had slipped off to the side and I ran over it and shredded it to pieces. Alongside of the rowing machine was a mountain of wool high enough to keep the Light Pass Spinners & Weavers Group busy for a fortnight. I tried to hide the pile of wool by doing push-ups right on top of it and when the instructor turned his back I shoved as much wool as I could in my pockets and when my pockets were bulging with the stuff I got the hell out of there and haven’t been back since.

The next day I visited the swimming centre. I went to the sauna and then jumped in the spa bath. The only other person in the spa was an 88-year-old bloke who looked like death warmed up. I closed my eyes and when I opened them 10 minutes later Death Warmed Up was gone. Then through the bubbles I saw him lying on the bottom of the spa! Oh no, he’s had a heart attack and drowned! I lunged over and pulled him out of the water by his ears. I was about to give him mouth-to-mouth when he suddenly came to life and screamed, “What are you doing you dickhead, I’m just massaging my head. Leave me alone or I’ll call the police!” I made a quick exit—didn’t even bother getting changed. I drove home in the 1982 baby-poo brown Sigma station wagon with the one blue door in my Speedos dripping wet thinking that bravery awards are overrated.

I’ve realised that I’m just not the adventurous type. I’m never going to be a Jessica Watson. I’m never going to do anything that makes 6,000 yachts take to Sydney Harbour to welcome me home. Trying new things only gets me in trouble. I bought a man bag and everyone thought I batted for the opposition; I went to the gym and caused at least $300 damage not including the dry-cleaning bill; I went to the spa and came within half a bubble of getting arrested for saving an old prick’s life. So I’ve gone to ground. Stopped being a daredevil. I’m sitting in a darkened room at home in a purple beanbag with a big bottle of Coopers Stout resting on my guts waiting for the Geelong-Collingwood game to start. The Big Henry is in a brown paper bag—now that’s what I call a man bag! —Ed.

SPECIAL MESSAGE FROM THE WEEK THAT WAS
The Week That Was is exclusively for WBM subscribers. If by chance you’ve been getting TWTW and you’re not a subscriber to WBM, then you’re about to be cut off forever unfortunately. To subscribe to WBM click here.

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
“Hi, it’s me. Having acquired the first man bag soon after my arrival 31 years ago, I now have a custom semi-soft, large, five-compartment unit, about 20 years old, traded for a case of vinous persuasion. Use it mostly on tight-ass Tuesday two days, refusing retail bags and to secret two stubs of Cascade Premium Light and a probably pack of exotic Asian snacks into the multiplex if something worthwhile is on screen. It is second to my leatherman wave as a body attachment (you’re not a real winemaker if you don’t own a leatherman). Never taunted or teased and only freaking if I left it somewhere (as my Leatherman). I want to invent the third, machoman necessity! What?” —Mark Semmens, Marion’s Vineyard, Tamar Valley.

“In direct contradiction of your recent action to take the lead (unlike the Adelaide Crows, who could not lead a group of panicked lemmings off a cliff) on the correct use of apostrophes, I note with alarm and disappointment the absence of the appropriate appendage in the heading ‘Winners Circle’ (WINE100, April 2010; p19). Winners Circle. Never. Winner’s Circle? Perhaps. Winners’ Circle. Definitely. Time to take the foot out of the editor’s mouth, use it to kick his arse, and let him adjust his glasses. Those used for proof-reading, that is; not for consuming beer.” PS: I note that Andrew Pirie has been so taken by the rantings of that weirdo who writes TWTW that he’s named his flagship Pinot Noir ‘Sigma’. I hope it’s not the colour of the Editor’s car. What’s next? Magna Chardonnay? Or 380 Cabernet Sauvignon?” —The Ped, Adelaide. (Thanks Ped; dickhead.—Ed).

MAN BAG MAILBAG
“Hello there all, man bags are fine if you convince yourself they are. That’s how I make my fast motorcycling ‘safe’ because I convince myself. Not my wife. If you feel that you need to convince others then this is different. Next you will be wearing high heels and stockings but I know, ‘only as a natural aid to the arches of your feet on those long flights’. But remember to wax your legs or you may look silly. Be yourself!” —Glenn Malycha, sales executive, Ross Estate Wines, Lyndoch.

“Dear Ed, I am married to a man bag fanatic. His is army green canvas and looks ever so nice when he is sitting astride a Vesper. He uses it mainly to keep his coordinated peaked cap in and when he wears both I know there is a reason why I married him. The story about Donga and the Crystal Brook Show was a nice blast from the past!” —Chris Rafanelli, Geraldton, WA. (Sounds like something out of Roman Holiday—Ed).

“As you know, Mike (Press) takes vegies out with him when delivering his wines. Here he is in the vineyard getting ready for another day on the road, with some tomatoes in his man bag.” —Judy Press, Mike Press Wines, Adelaide Hills.

TALKING SPORT WITH IAIN ‘SPRIGGS’ RIGGS
“My dear editor, can someone please explain why Monday wasn’t National Heroes Day? Ok, little Jess sailed into Sydney on Saturday and did a top job of putting K-Rudd in his place (nice work Kev asking Layne Beachley who she was and what she did—goose) but Monday was really Heroes Day. Old Chisel Chin completed a double with the Monaco slot car race, that young rascal Scott cleaned up in Texas, the Aussie girls thumped the NZ girls and a couple of bandy-legged, sore-arsed blokes keep winning on pushies while avoiding the dykes (no Ed, they were in a different country). The Aussie lads lost, but really, who cares? Richmond got so close and from memory we (the Farrell’s Flat Under 11 Tigers) had a similar cursed run in 1966. Not sure if you’ll have room for the enclosed photo of rugby loving winemakers—average age about 62. Great news when Brokenwood’s Stuart Horden scored his first try in 10 years. Stu was heard to comment that anyone can have an off-decade.” —Iain Riggs, chief winemaker, Brokenwood Wines.

RUMOUR OF THE WEEK
We hear the Winemakers’ Federation of Australia has almost universal support from winemakers for a new wine tax structure—apparently called a ‘Volume Tax’ but the proposal hasn’t seen the light of day for some reason. We’d like the WFA to come clean on this one in the interests of healthy debate. Disturbing rumour suggest the WFA is being held to ransom by a major company threatening to withdraw its support of WFA if this new tax proposal doesn’t die quickly.

NEWS

• Looks like someone got creative with the sign at The Colonial Estate, Nuriootpa.
• Had a good chat to Robert Geddes MW during the week. He has a lot of contact with consumers at tastings and education events etc. He said in part, “Sydney consumers, at least the ones I meet, are definitely sick of high alcohol, big oak and broad wines and are seeking more purity in Chardonnay, less thickness in Shiraz and more spice, and the Cabernet customers have given up on a lot of regions and seem to stick to the classics, in their eyes Coonawarra and Margaret River. But as far as Riesling goes, no matter how hard I try, well, they don’t get it. They seem to be getting fussier and don’t like Cabernet at either end of the spectrum, especially too green and more now too ripe. Chardonnay drinkers are coming round to ripe but savoury styles and a sense of distinction, i.e. a sense of place.”
• The Empire fights back! WINE100 is fighting back against the rising tide of NZ Sauvignon Blanc by publishing a dynamic little guide to magnificent Australian white wine called The Little White Book. If you think you have an awesome white wine, then tell the world by advertising this little beauty. Email margot.tisher@awbm.com.au
  
  
• Vicki Arnold, one of Australia’s smartest wine marketers/businesspeople, delivered a dynamic paper at the London International Wine Fair last week and we will be publishing it in the June WBM. Most papers at conferences these days are rehashed nonsense, but Vicki’s is very original and is an absolute must if you’re serious about the wine game. To subscribe to WBM, whose subscribers enjoy The Week That Was exclusively, click here.
• Are you still in London after attending Wine Fair? If so email us and let us know how it all went. We’re hearing positive reports about the event and some are even hinting of a recovery in the global wine business. Email info@awbm.com.au
• We received an advance copy of The Big Red Wine Book this week and it’s a brilliant publication, tightly written and well presented and it’s a must for everyone in the Australian wine community. An embargo prevents us from saying any more at this stage but in coming weeks we'll drop a few bombshells from the book, including the fact that the authors Campbell Mattinson and Gary Walsh only have the 2005 Grange &*$#@ points. Whoops, better stop there before we get into trouble.
• Tyson Stelzer is working on a terrific initiative to address an issue which he says sis close to his heart—under-age alcohol abuse. More details later.

MOVEMENT AT THE STATION

Jeff Bond is the new general manager of Peter Lehmann Wines. Managing director Doug Lehmann retires at the end of the financial year and will become deputy chairman of Peter Lehmann Wines Ltd. Jeff has 17 years’ experience in the food and beverage industry. This is his first gig as GM.

YOU AND ME AND A DOG NAMED GRACIE
“Hi Guys, thought you might like to meet our new puppy Gracie at Singlefile Estate.” —Patrick Corbett, CEO, Singlefile Estate, West Perth.

“Hi Ed, seems to be a bit of a theme developing here with winery/vineyard dogs called ‘Bogart’. Here’s our carpark wrangler and tyre inspector (seems they all need lubrication for some reason or another) Bogart, aka Bogie, aka Bogus, aka Bogalot! A hard earned thirst deserves a hard cold beverage—Riesling? Not quite the dog I thought he was but hey, it takes all types. I wonder what a border collie/poodle cross would be like—don’t want to go there actually? Cheers to the team at TWTW!” —Bonis omnia bona! Peter Orr, Felsberg Winery, Glen Aplin.

“Here’s our miniature poodle Fizz—georgeous!” —John Griffiths, Faber Vineyard, Baskerville, Western Australia. (He’s got a haircut like some of those winemakers you find in the backblocks of McLaren Vale—Ed).

THEY SAID IT
“When I heard you (Anthony Madigan) tell me that tweet lifted people’s spirits in Australia and there was a good buzz on Twitter about it, do you know how that makes me feel? A lot of people don’t really know me. They know my persona, they know I’m out there and hyper-excited, but they don’t really know how I’m wired.” —Gary Vaynerchuk, WBM May edition. Top subscribe click here.

THE DAY WINEMAKERS STOPPED FOR ‘BAD PUN DAY’
Tuesner Wines, the king of social media in the Australian wine community with almost 10,000 Twitter followers, started what’s called a hash-tag on Twitter yesterday called #badwinebandpun and not much work got done as hundreds of tweeters had a go at coming up with the name of a band and putting a wine twist to it. The puns are continuing today. A phenomenal piece of interaction if ever we’ve seen on. Here are some of the better ones:

Lady Gargett (Nick Ryan)
Zilzie Top (Eden Road Wines)
Dr Hooke (Nick Ryan)
The Vat Empire (Eden Road Wines)
Jethro Tulloch (Nick Ryan)
Zarth Brooks (Nick Ryan)
Barossa Pearl Jam (Tuesner)
Ghiran Ghiran (Dan Buckle)
Croser, Stills & Grenache (Tuesner)
Bindi Lauper (Tuesner)
Stickleback (Australskvin)
Rage Against The Marsanne (Chateau Tanunda)
Puns and Crosers (Madeleines Wines)
John Farnham – Give Me a Riesling (Aussie Oenophile)
Iggy Alcopop (Baxter Vinifera)
Larry Mannilow (Stockwine)
Creedence Cleanskin Revival (Kate Morgan)
Brett Shop Boys (Stockwine)
Sherry and the Pacemakers (Good Drop)

Got any others? Email info@awbm.com.au


GET WELL SOON DAVID LEMIRE MW
We’d like to send our best wishes to David LeMire MW, the only Master of Wine in the world who also plays Aussie Rules footy. David played last weekend (he normally only coaches) and got a knee to the back leaving him with three broken ribs and a punctured lung. Needless to say the better half has thrown away the boots—again. David assures us he’ll still file a column for WBM for June. Inspirational stuff. Meanwhile cheek out David’s brilliant column on tax in the May WBM. To subscribe click here.


ENGLAND WINS KIDS’ VERSION OF CRICKET
TWTW received this media release via Iain Riggs:

Paul Collingwood’s team took the Twenty20 World Championship after beating a clearly confused Australian squad by seven wickets, 18 balls, half a litre of Diet Coke and a bag of Jenga blocks.

Australian captain Michael Clarke said: “We were knocking it over the boundary as usual, when Collingwood shouted ‘donkey hats are wild!’ and then rubbed some mango syrup into his legs.

“I asked the umpire what was going on and after consulting the rule book, which had obviously just been written in biro on the back of a till receipt, it appeared we had committed a ‘Triple Lohan’ and forfeited the match.”

The shortened version of the game was invented in 2003 to convince the under 12s that cricket was not just for elderly homosexuals and dysfunctional Yorkshiremen.

But ECB officials soon realised the new format could deliver first class international victories as each game would be finished long before the traditional English test collapse.

Over the years the hip and exciting rules have been adapted to include new features such as the Wheel Of Runs, The Hawaiian Stump’n’Slide and Pick-a-Card-Any-Card umpiring.